正当自己觉得自己可以放手时，有人又放上了照片，处处提醒我，那段时光的美好。但也许，已经没有那样的机会。
放弃了出国的机会。
放弃了九月。
换来了什么？
现在想要跳明年，应该也没机会了。工作，已经排到明年七月。
真的，什么事，一定要年轻时争取。要不，后悔终生。这种感觉，比失恋更心痛。毕竟，要割舍这十年的宝贝，谈何容易。
还是那句，舍得也得放手，不舍得也得放手。
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Finally
its my last day. It went by so fast, hardly any feelings could sink in.
But I am touched. I am touched that all of my bosses appreciate what I did.
I am touched when a teacher I hardly talk to, said "goodbye on your last day."
Till I see them again.
But I am touched. I am touched that all of my bosses appreciate what I did.
I am touched when a teacher I hardly talk to, said "goodbye on your last day."
Till I see them again.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Teaching
On the friday before I go on my September holidays and counting down two weeks to the end of my work in school, I was asked to do relief teaching as the teacher is going on early maternity leave.
And I am seriously not looking forward to it.
Well, after relief teaching a few mischievious classes before, I would rather spend my time in office, dealing with much mature people rather than students. And not to mention now that I am taking over for 2 weeks, I need to do lesson planning.
I was scared, and didn know how I should go about planning it. I am afraid that I will be a typical boring teacher, and I would have very noisy classes.
But mr tam told me to just go with the flow and the lesson will go on fine.
So after procrastinating the whole september holidays, the most dreaded time came and I started off my first day relief teaching ALL that teacher's classes. 2 Sec 1, 1 Sec 2 and 1 Sec 3. And after that first day I was worn out. Teaching is so tiring not because of the act itself, but also the need to make sure that the students are not sleeping, they are interested, no one is left out, they are actually learning, how to make sure you are connecting with them... I never knew teachers had to multitask so much...
And honestly, I was a little dejected after the first day. Almost all my classes had the same problems--they are not interested in learning chinese, they sleep in class, they could hardly understand the passage and they just give up. I had to use other topics to engage them such that I hardly have time to teach.
Today is the fourth day and it seemed that miracles decided that they will plant a surprise for me all on the same day. Some of my sec 3 students who hardly talked to me was laughing and joking together with me, and told me how they felt about Chinese. My talkative Sec 1s proved to be controllable. And my Sec 2s showed me how they really made efforts to pay attention in my class and how they treated me as their friend. Not only my students, some of the other students who know me as a clerk saw me walking to class called me by my name and we started chatting. The best thing is when I walked back to the office, students from all around me shouted out,"郑老师，bye bye!" And it came from students I hardly talked to.
And all these little moves on their part really touched me.
I learnt so much more from them that they learn from me. I learnt how to be a better teacher and a better person. Initially, I was depressed as to why most of my students were sleeping in my class. Gradually, as I discover the different needs of my students, I designed different learning methods for my classes. When my Sec 3 students learnt about it, you could really see their appreciation and their efforts in doing what I asked them to do. And all these changes, just in a matter of 4 days, is amazing. And I just need to write out what each of them did, because I would want to remember how we have impacted one another in different ways.
My Sec 1 HCL class ---- One of my favourite class, because they are the smartest and most cooperative. For this class, their Chinese standard is pretty high and thus I gave them a lot of other lessons instead. Their first chapter with me was about a patriotic poem written for China. I was a bit bothered that the poem would be too boring for them, and thus I decided to sizzle things up by finding some local poems that could well express Singapore's progress over the years. I also blanked some of the words such that the students could have some thinking time on their own. The lesson turned out to be fun although students were complaining how difficult it was, as they discovered how different writers could have different writing style, themselves included. Some of the foreign students also shared with the class about their home country.
Its enjoyable going to this class because I can simply be myself, and conduct really intellectual conversations with these kids who are only 13 years old. For the next chapter on Zubir Said, I will be sharing with them another form of "national anthem"----新谣by Liang Wen Fu, hopefully they will like it.
My Sec 1 Express class --- Honestly I dread going to this class because the teacher warned me how talkative they could be. So for the first class, I gave them some easy worksheets to do, to test out the waters. True enough, they were rowdy and rude to the teacher, sprouting out inappropriate comments during the class. At the end of their class, my throat was suffering.
But things picked up a little for me when a boy from this class, who seemed pretty rude and cold in class, shouted me goodbye from afar although he was at his cca.
So today, I went to this class with a slightly stricter attitude. Things were rowdy at first, but after telling them my expectations of the class, the situation was much more in control. The class was surprisingly smooth, and the interaction with the class was highly encouraging. They were enthusiastic (albeit a little too much at times) and they were smart, highly enhancing the flow of the lesson. But I was really really moved when a girl told me that I was a different kind of teacher.
My Sec 2 Express class --- Another of my favourites, but also one of my headache class. Very very over enthusiastic, and a mixed variety of students. Some could understand Chinese pretty well, but others could hardly anything at all. Most of them sleep during the class because they could hardly keep up. Thus I prepared some notes for them with english explanations such that they could keep up, while I dont neglect those who has a better command for the language. However some of the students feedback that I used too much english during my class, thus I am still trying to see how I can improve on that.
But they are such a nice bunch of kids. Many of them are counsellors and so they would chat with me like friends when they come into the office. Another girl also mentioned that they are so over enthusiastic because they treat me like their friend. But again, the most touching action always comes from the least expected people. This boy always detested doing essays in my previous class, but in today's class, he would answer all the questions that I asked and contributed tremendously to the lesson. I was very impressed with him.
My Sec 3 express class --- Another of my dreaded class, but because of entirely different reasons. They were so quiet on my first class, and most of them slept through my class. Although this is a sec 3 class, their chinese standards were the worst among all my classes. Well, desperate times come desperate measures. I typed out the entire passage and typed out all the hanyu pinyin and meaning of the words that I thought they would need. And my face glowed when my students told me how much my notes could help them.
But that was not the happiest of all. While having some time to do their work, some of the quieter students started talking to me and they opened up themselves to me. That gave me more motivation to conduct the class as I could connect with them after understanding how they feel towards the lesson. Also, many students assured me that they will do their best not to sleep in my class and that to me, was a huge sense of satisfaction.
With only 5 days left with these students, I promise myself that I will help them in whatever way I can. Even if I cannot pull their results up, I would want them to discover the joy of learning a language again. Language is not just black ink on a book, it is also about current affairs, culture, history and the fun and joy when using it. And I hope to pass on what my great teachers have given me: Learning Chinese in a way that could infuse moral values, thinking skills and sharing life experience.
I hope these students would be inspired by me, as much as I have been inspired by them.
This week is definitely the highlight of my stint in this school.
And I am seriously not looking forward to it.
Well, after relief teaching a few mischievious classes before, I would rather spend my time in office, dealing with much mature people rather than students. And not to mention now that I am taking over for 2 weeks, I need to do lesson planning.
I was scared, and didn know how I should go about planning it. I am afraid that I will be a typical boring teacher, and I would have very noisy classes.
But mr tam told me to just go with the flow and the lesson will go on fine.
So after procrastinating the whole september holidays, the most dreaded time came and I started off my first day relief teaching ALL that teacher's classes. 2 Sec 1, 1 Sec 2 and 1 Sec 3. And after that first day I was worn out. Teaching is so tiring not because of the act itself, but also the need to make sure that the students are not sleeping, they are interested, no one is left out, they are actually learning, how to make sure you are connecting with them... I never knew teachers had to multitask so much...
And honestly, I was a little dejected after the first day. Almost all my classes had the same problems--they are not interested in learning chinese, they sleep in class, they could hardly understand the passage and they just give up. I had to use other topics to engage them such that I hardly have time to teach.
Today is the fourth day and it seemed that miracles decided that they will plant a surprise for me all on the same day. Some of my sec 3 students who hardly talked to me was laughing and joking together with me, and told me how they felt about Chinese. My talkative Sec 1s proved to be controllable. And my Sec 2s showed me how they really made efforts to pay attention in my class and how they treated me as their friend. Not only my students, some of the other students who know me as a clerk saw me walking to class called me by my name and we started chatting. The best thing is when I walked back to the office, students from all around me shouted out,"郑老师，bye bye!" And it came from students I hardly talked to.
And all these little moves on their part really touched me.
I learnt so much more from them that they learn from me. I learnt how to be a better teacher and a better person. Initially, I was depressed as to why most of my students were sleeping in my class. Gradually, as I discover the different needs of my students, I designed different learning methods for my classes. When my Sec 3 students learnt about it, you could really see their appreciation and their efforts in doing what I asked them to do. And all these changes, just in a matter of 4 days, is amazing. And I just need to write out what each of them did, because I would want to remember how we have impacted one another in different ways.
My Sec 1 HCL class ---- One of my favourite class, because they are the smartest and most cooperative. For this class, their Chinese standard is pretty high and thus I gave them a lot of other lessons instead. Their first chapter with me was about a patriotic poem written for China. I was a bit bothered that the poem would be too boring for them, and thus I decided to sizzle things up by finding some local poems that could well express Singapore's progress over the years. I also blanked some of the words such that the students could have some thinking time on their own. The lesson turned out to be fun although students were complaining how difficult it was, as they discovered how different writers could have different writing style, themselves included. Some of the foreign students also shared with the class about their home country.
Its enjoyable going to this class because I can simply be myself, and conduct really intellectual conversations with these kids who are only 13 years old. For the next chapter on Zubir Said, I will be sharing with them another form of "national anthem"----新谣by Liang Wen Fu, hopefully they will like it.
My Sec 1 Express class --- Honestly I dread going to this class because the teacher warned me how talkative they could be. So for the first class, I gave them some easy worksheets to do, to test out the waters. True enough, they were rowdy and rude to the teacher, sprouting out inappropriate comments during the class. At the end of their class, my throat was suffering.
But things picked up a little for me when a boy from this class, who seemed pretty rude and cold in class, shouted me goodbye from afar although he was at his cca.
So today, I went to this class with a slightly stricter attitude. Things were rowdy at first, but after telling them my expectations of the class, the situation was much more in control. The class was surprisingly smooth, and the interaction with the class was highly encouraging. They were enthusiastic (albeit a little too much at times) and they were smart, highly enhancing the flow of the lesson. But I was really really moved when a girl told me that I was a different kind of teacher.
My Sec 2 Express class --- Another of my favourites, but also one of my headache class. Very very over enthusiastic, and a mixed variety of students. Some could understand Chinese pretty well, but others could hardly anything at all. Most of them sleep during the class because they could hardly keep up. Thus I prepared some notes for them with english explanations such that they could keep up, while I dont neglect those who has a better command for the language. However some of the students feedback that I used too much english during my class, thus I am still trying to see how I can improve on that.
But they are such a nice bunch of kids. Many of them are counsellors and so they would chat with me like friends when they come into the office. Another girl also mentioned that they are so over enthusiastic because they treat me like their friend. But again, the most touching action always comes from the least expected people. This boy always detested doing essays in my previous class, but in today's class, he would answer all the questions that I asked and contributed tremendously to the lesson. I was very impressed with him.
My Sec 3 express class --- Another of my dreaded class, but because of entirely different reasons. They were so quiet on my first class, and most of them slept through my class. Although this is a sec 3 class, their chinese standards were the worst among all my classes. Well, desperate times come desperate measures. I typed out the entire passage and typed out all the hanyu pinyin and meaning of the words that I thought they would need. And my face glowed when my students told me how much my notes could help them.
But that was not the happiest of all. While having some time to do their work, some of the quieter students started talking to me and they opened up themselves to me. That gave me more motivation to conduct the class as I could connect with them after understanding how they feel towards the lesson. Also, many students assured me that they will do their best not to sleep in my class and that to me, was a huge sense of satisfaction.
With only 5 days left with these students, I promise myself that I will help them in whatever way I can. Even if I cannot pull their results up, I would want them to discover the joy of learning a language again. Language is not just black ink on a book, it is also about current affairs, culture, history and the fun and joy when using it. And I hope to pass on what my great teachers have given me: Learning Chinese in a way that could infuse moral values, thinking skills and sharing life experience.
I hope these students would be inspired by me, as much as I have been inspired by them.
This week is definitely the highlight of my stint in this school.
Monday, September 14, 2009
爸爸的妈妈
今天，赶去了医院。匆匆忙忙的去，匆匆忙忙得照顾小孩子，匆匆忙忙得上去病房。直到到达病房，才真正的松懈下来。
这才仔细的见到了她。
她真的瘦了很多，脸颊整个陷下去了，手上原本已经显而易见的青筋全都浮了上来。因为脸瘦了，那对眼睛显得大了许多。
“她是阿诗。”
她那双眼睛看着我，但我却只觉得尴尬，眼神是漂浮的。我不敢直视她，因为有限的方言让我不敢说话。她好久没吃东西了，但声音再微弱，但她仍然很想聊天。我想这是我第一次，看到她笑得如此开心与知足。
好命的她，有十一个子女，二十三个孙子，九个曾孙。这一生，虽然不富裕，但也总算三餐温饱。她生命中唯一的不幸，可能就是另一半的早逝。
离开了医院，我才开始回忆起以前的她。现在才想起，她以前真的很凶。小时候有几天离开家里住在她那里，把我给吓坏了。但过了几年，她变得慈祥了一些，常常跟我开玩笑。那时的她，脸颊圆通通的，虽行动不便，但气色很不错。对她最深刻的印象，就是她那永远分不完的旧钞。
其实到现在，那揪心的痛，我仍然未体验到。此时此刻，我仍然无法联想到，我和她身上流着同样的血液。但看到她躺在床上的日子，我想念她拄着拐杖，打麻将的日子。
我真的希望，我能早日领悟到，她是我爸爸的妈妈。
这才仔细的见到了她。
她真的瘦了很多，脸颊整个陷下去了，手上原本已经显而易见的青筋全都浮了上来。因为脸瘦了，那对眼睛显得大了许多。
“她是阿诗。”
她那双眼睛看着我，但我却只觉得尴尬，眼神是漂浮的。我不敢直视她，因为有限的方言让我不敢说话。她好久没吃东西了，但声音再微弱，但她仍然很想聊天。我想这是我第一次，看到她笑得如此开心与知足。
好命的她，有十一个子女，二十三个孙子，九个曾孙。这一生，虽然不富裕，但也总算三餐温饱。她生命中唯一的不幸，可能就是另一半的早逝。
离开了医院，我才开始回忆起以前的她。现在才想起，她以前真的很凶。小时候有几天离开家里住在她那里，把我给吓坏了。但过了几年，她变得慈祥了一些，常常跟我开玩笑。那时的她，脸颊圆通通的，虽行动不便，但气色很不错。对她最深刻的印象，就是她那永远分不完的旧钞。
其实到现在，那揪心的痛，我仍然未体验到。此时此刻，我仍然无法联想到，我和她身上流着同样的血液。但看到她躺在床上的日子，我想念她拄着拐杖，打麻将的日子。
我真的希望，我能早日领悟到，她是我爸爸的妈妈。
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
A family getaway..
I am super duper excited to be on a family trip this weekend! It has been a long long time since our family travelled together, in fact I dont really remember any family trip since primary 6, and that time my brother didn go. This time, all of us (yes, all of us, 3 cars, 11 adults, 6 children) are going on a short trip to Kukup where we have a bungalow to ourselves.
Cant wait!!
Cant wait!!
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
A funny incident..
Yesterday was my dad's birthday celebration.
So I rushed home to have the cake after tuition, and didnt have time to change out of my drape top to home clothes.
And there I was, talking to Isaac about ice cream making. In the middle of our conversation, his vision shifted to my hand and before I knew it, he quickly pulled up one side of my drape top sleeve and placed it on my shoulder. After that, the conversation continued as if nothing happened.
Sigh, my nephew is just so adorable!
So I rushed home to have the cake after tuition, and didnt have time to change out of my drape top to home clothes.
And there I was, talking to Isaac about ice cream making. In the middle of our conversation, his vision shifted to my hand and before I knew it, he quickly pulled up one side of my drape top sleeve and placed it on my shoulder. After that, the conversation continued as if nothing happened.
Sigh, my nephew is just so adorable!
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