Random stupid thoughts

I want yoghurt.

Yami yoghurt.

Passion

You know it's late when everyone else has left the studio and all that is left is the handful of dancers.
You know it's late when you write 2349 and sign your name.
You know it's late when your friend has been waiting in the car for ages.
You know it's late when you tap your card at CFA and it reads 23:53, WELCOME!
You know it's late when there are no more buses home.
You know it's late when your friend calls at 00:34:13 and you're still on the way home.
You know it's late when you step into a pitch-dark house and everyone is fast asleep, even the dog.
You know it's late when there's a bun and 3 sushis from this morning left on the table - your dinner for the day which has just passed.
You know it's late when you step into your parent's room and hear soft snoring.
You know it's late when you have to bathe in the other toilet because you don't want to wake your parents up.

-from zhu's blog

Thats so true for most of us right now. (most of us, cos some simply heck care)

I met wang laoshi last weekend, and as most of the ppl who follow my blog may know, she was the one who brought me into dance in sec 1. Without her, I wouldn have stayed on in dhs dance as it wasn my first choice. Looking at her now, I really wonder what would have happened these 8 years if I havent been dancing?

Maybe my results would have been better.

Maybe I would have more time to spend with my family.

Maybe I could bake more, and learn more baking from my parents.

Maybe I could have better dinners, and not come home at 12 midnight and munch on plain white bread. (so good, you can eat it alone)

Maybe I could have nicer legs, without all the blue blacks and scars.

But.

I would not have been able to survive in NUS biz, where I had hardly any friends in yr 1 and had to find solace in NUS Chinese Dance.

I would not have trained myself to be better at time planning.

I would not have known the pretty belles from hc.

I would not have make it big in the hc magazine. (go flip it, u will know what i mean)

I would not have understood my own emotions better.

Yes, this journey is making me tired and worn out. But for me, this journey may be ending soon. 8 years of dancing, and this is very much a full stop for me.

I dunnoe whether I can go on. But I got to. Just like all my other dancers do.

好累了。。。

忙了这么久，倦意，终于来了。好累，真的好累。连看电视的心情都没有了。

一个星期跳六天，还要补习，开会，搞定舞蹈的东西。连停下来想一想舞蹈的时间都没有了。有好久没去看看小孩子了，连我那出生了一个月的外甥，我也只看了两次。与家人，朋友相处的时间减少了好多。为了舞蹈，有好几次的家庭聚餐，我都无法出席。甚至好几个可以读书的空档，我也都不支倒在床上。

别人，可以为了交功课不来舞蹈。

别人，可以不舒服就不来舞蹈。

别人，可以因为很忙不来舞蹈。

为什么我不可以？

我好久好久没有好好和家里人吃饭了。真的好久好久了。

忙完了两个星期后，也许可以赶上功课，但失去与家人的时间，该如何是好？

爸爸问：“为什么每天都跳舞？这么爱舞蹈吗？”

我是很爱舞蹈，但我真的不能为了舞蹈放弃家人。

好累，真的好累。但心里知道，我不能倒下。我不能每次在压力下倒下。

有谁，能帮我走下去？

江惠 家後 MTV

古时，一对夫妻就得注定白头到老。
但是来到我们这个年代，并不是一件平常的事。
听着这首歌，想着父母亲一路走来也并不容易。
不顾一切的爱，不顾一切的付出。
谁会真的舍得让对方先走呢？

明珠姐妹 - 十二莲花

Just watched the movie 十二莲花 last week, and well, I couldn realy figure out what Royston Tan was trying to say though the movie. However, it does bring back happy memories from my childhood times, like when my dad always likes to sing,"十七八岁未出嫁，想着少年家。" Although I dont really watch getais, all these songs were really familiar to me as a Hokkien. And getais have always amazed me with all the fanciful costumes and the joy they bring to the audience. This culture is not only part of the Hokkiens, but of the Chinese community.

On a side note, after watching this movie, I realised more about dancing again. (I realise whenever I am depressed about dance, watching a movie or concert or performance will always allow me to discover my feelings for dance.)Despite the many many setbacks Lianhua went under, she wanted to go back to the getai again, for its on stage that she shines, and its on stage that she can get to be someone else, or even herself. I guess thats why I am on stage too, because I like to tell the audience who I am acting as. I dont want to tell them I am doing a grand jete, but I want to tell them that hey, I am an actor on stage. I love to smile or cry on stage, and I love to tell my audience through my eyes and actions.

Thats why I dont think I can ever quit dancing. And it will definitely not be because of some minor setbacks. Dancing may not be my life, bu it will definitely be my stage in my life.

My goal

I have got a clear goal in mind, and it is the first time I am so firm on getting to it in my 2 years in University. It is also the first time that I start reading up on the company before I apply for the job/internship. I am very very serious, and bent on getting into my ultimate dream company.

I am so going to join this company audit!

Please wish me luck.

Is this where I want to be?

I saw someone cry today, and I didnt really know what to do. Its so bad seeing her sad, because deep in all our hearts, we knew we had a part to play, and we didnt do our best to stop it from happening. It starts to make me wonder, are all of us happy here or not?

So many unhappy things had happened since the beginning of the journey, and some people are tired. I try to perk myself up, and try to reassure myself that everything will be fine. But after someone pangsei me today, I start wondering again. Is everything going to come into place at all?

I am scared.

I am sad.

I am trying hard to be optimistic.

I am confused.

I dont know if I want to be here.

I am angry that I feel this way.