About my pa

I was reading Kit's blog from the very beginning at work today (and clocking this period of time under "Professional Development"). I read the time when she was happy to see her parents going to her church events, to the time her father was warded, and till now when she mourned.

This post is not to open up wounds again, but a reminder to myself, a "preventive" measure.

My family is never good at expressing ourselves. We don't tell each other we love each other, and we don't hug each other. We talk back to our parents, we get upset at some of the things they do or say though we know its unintentional. We always regret after that, but we never apologized and tend to disregard how our parents would feel. To quote how I felt in America, somethings are easy to forgive, but never easy to forget.

I remember a few days ago when my dad complained to me how my brother got angry at him. I remember how yesterday I was upset at him because I suspected that his tone had a pinch of sarcasm.

But when I read through Kit's blog, I realised how all these things sound ridiculous. I started to remember how my dad gave up his life in Singapore to take care of my sis in US for half a year. How he worked hard everyday to sustain this family on his income so that my mum can take care of my nephews and nieces. How he always thought of our future though he knows that what he says may make us hate him. How he used to cook every saturday for his mother because she was complaining that she doesnt get to eat stuff that she likes. How he can transform my friend's most hated food to one that my friend adores.

I think its true that kids are always closer to their mums than to their dads. I find it easier to talk to my mum than to my dad too, but maybe thats because my mum tends to be more sensitive to our feelings, and my dad will speak what he feels, whether we like it or not. Neither is good or bad, its just part and parcel of how they care and love.

I was talking to zstrome too about my reservations regarding marriage. The only reason pulling me back from getting married when mr tam graduates is that I dun think I can stand living apart from my family. Surviving without my parent's food will probably be too hard for me to take.