Its dance dance dance all day. I have danced for almost 5 out of 7 days. Sunday at TAT, Tuesday at YMCA, Wednesday at NUS, Thursday at ECNAD and Friday at NUS. On Thursday at ECNAD my leg was trembling throughout all the exercises.
It was so bad that saturday I had choose not to go for the most challenging class, but to really just rest and do nothing. I felt so lethargic in the morn, and mr tam seeing me like this, decided to walk out of the room without saying a word. It turned out after that that he was trying to help me clean out the dog's mess so that I wont have to do it later. Thanks mr tam!
I guess when people are tired they have strange desires. When I fell asleep on Friday I dreamt of my mum's porridge. Not the abalone kind, but just plain porridge with side dishes like tofu, eggs and potato and vegetables. Trust me, the desire is so overpowering that you dont feel like eating anything else. Nice mr tam knowing that immediately brainstormed for places, but I suddenly remembered my market has some porridge stores and ALAS! I had my nice and warm porridge in the morning. Not as nice as my mum's but good enough, it is very satisfying.
I tell mr tam that my next desire is my mum's mutton soup. and my dad's crab. Lucky for him, both I already have places in mind. Unlucky thing is my desires are getting more expensive, I miss new year's abalone, which most probably cant be eaten this year le.
Back to dance. I am feeling very flop during dance nowadays, I cant get moves right and everyone seems to do it much better than I do. I am getting the weird feeling that I want to be moved to the back of the formation instead of the front because I am really not confident of myself. I love all the dances I am in, but somehow I feel like I am destroying them all. And my ballet lessons had been greatly unsuccessful. I think that explains why I feel so drained, like everything is being sucked out of me.
So why am I still dancing so often? I guess YY's blog provided a very good answer, "the good things that make dance practises bearable are the pple in chinese dance. they are really a bunch of fun loving pple, and i enjoyed their company. seriously speaking i dun love to dance, but its the pple that make me wanna go back and dance." Although I am not so close to Chinese Dance people right now, I still think its very true. The people in the classes do determine how much you would want to go back to the class, though my love for dance is making it even more encouraging for me to go back everyday to torture myself.
Here I would like to share something which I hope people wont translate for the people I love.
My favourite item, "Shattered" talks about a lost hope, dream or love. When my choreo told me that, I immediately thought of a lost hope because it is so relevant to the theme of this dance. How it is lost, and you try to find it but yet so afraid to reach out for it and in the end, you have to resort to extreme measures. I thought of my hope to become a teacher. How it is lost, and how i reach out for it and yet so afraid to reach out for it at the same time. How afraid I am to face my current choice of becoming an accountant, and how I know in the end nobody can help me. It is exaggerated of course my expression, but when I reach my hands out to reach for it, I would automatically shrink it back, because I know it is impossible and I shouldn regret my own decision.
Well I guess thats why I got drained as well, mentally that is.
The ending of 2007 and beginning of 2008 doesnt seem to be a good start. Though I hear many wedding bells, I have also heard of a lot of my close friends seperating from their loved ones.
One last thing: my relative has kindly invited us for reunion dinner this year knowing my parents are not around. If you know me well, you would know how I feel.
Hai, I would love to go back to these days:
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