I wll miss you

This day is awful.

Isaac would say,"1 day to Rhode Island."

To me its just an awful day. The three kids came to my house early today. And I spent almost the whole afternoon with Isaac before I went off for tuition.

After I came back, I made peanut butter muffins for them.

At dinner, it is the first time in years for the 4 siblings to sit down together to talk besides during Chinese New Year, though the topics are a bit strange.

Then we took photos with one another. All the adults with Isaac, Leanne and Jayson. And Kelp and er jie with Kyla.

Then went to the room to print photos. Gave Isaac and Leanne 2 bai tu tang each, in addition to their lollipops.

My sis says,"Okay Isaac, give everyone a hug and say goodbye."

That did it. My eyes were red before I knew it.

I hugged Isaac tight. When he saw me crying, he got a shock cos he thought I was in pain as he poked me in the face. I wanted to say somethings to them, but I could say nothing. My family was telling me not to cry, but yet, my tear glands were not listening to me.

Wanted to hug the other two, but I was afraid of crying.

I never felt this miserable. The feeling of someone close going away for some time. When my er jie went to Cambridge, I was only like Primary 3. I didn't even start crying until I saw my da jie cry. Then I realise what wsa happening. When she was in England, she always asked me to write emails to her but I never bothered. Now I know how that feels. I can't remember the few years that she was away, but I still remember when I went over to England. When I first saw her at the hotel in London, I was so happy. And now I have that feeling again.

I wonder why my aunties were never close to me. It seems that they don't even care what happens to me.

But now, it seems so logical to me to cry because my dear nephews and niece are going away.

Especially on hearing that Isaac is going to school in Rhode Island, it makes me worry. How is it going to be like for him? What if someone bullies him?

But I think he will handle it well. He is a strong boy.

My entry is in an illogical order now because I dun really know what to say. But I have always wondered what it meant by珍惜。They always tell you to cherish the time you spend with people you love. But to me, no matter how much time I spend with them, it is never enough. Who knows if Isaac will still allow me to kiss him when he comes back?

I don't want to cherish them, I want to be with them.

I will miss them all, Kelp, Er jie, Isaac, Leanne and Jayson.

I dunnoe how things will turn out in one year. Good thing time always passes, because then one year will always come around and I will see them again.

Till then, miss xiao yi yi while your are there kk, kids?

Cos xiao yi yi will miss you madly.

And to my er jie, I know that you are a wonderful mother and will deal with the three kids well together with Kelp.

Oh give me the strength to hold back my tears tomorrow.