Updates again

Shall blog while waiting for my bidding results.

That means that this post will be very inorganised, as I have to update about the past week.

Hmm, lets see if I can remember.

Had a video conversation with Kelp and family last week, let just say I miss them a lot. Heard that Leanne is not adapting well. Hai, hope that her belief in God will help her overcome this new experience and enjoy it at the end of the day. And Jayson just looks like Isaac now!

It is so difficult to get Leanne to smile. Ha, and my sis says that both of them sometimes look like a young couple rather than siblings.

Oh I finally bought my spag leotard on Wednesday! Luckily one of my tuition got cancelled, so just have enought time to pop around golden landmark to stock up ballet shoes, spag leotard, ballet tights and lycra tights. Was so tempted to buy the ballet wrap skirt and graham, hai but already spent 80 bucks.

Went to perform at Suntec last saturday, the performance wasnt too bad. Just that the stupid SM asked: "Is this the first time your are performing? Or is it the carpet? Your are a bit unstable. " Idiot, we weren't even in proper dance attire.


After that went to meet Meisheng, Yuxi, Lileng and Lijia. We ate pepper lunch for dinner, then went on to Swensons to have dessert. A regular earthquake, goodness, we are pigs. Then went on tot he new fountain at Suntec to chit chat, and didn left till around 11.30pm.


Oh man I am the ugliest among them. And not to mention I always feel like a giant around them.

Oh yah, also went shopping with mr tam in the afternoon. Spent 100 over on clothes and 20 bucks on 2 T-shirts. And this is one of them:
Not very clear, but it says: "Honk, if you're about to run me over."

Monday went to matriculation fair, so sian, I was the only one at my booth and dance blast people very aggressive. If you know me, I hate giving pamphlets but seeing the dance blast people, I finally pluck up the courage to do so. Goodness, I cant really believe I did that.

And today, went for my second ballet lesson! And finally wear my new leotard and lycra tights. I am enjoying ballet more, could really see my leg kicking straight for once. WOohOo, I am lovin it! But too bad, gotta miss one lesson next week cos its my birthday and I gotta watch The King and I musical!

At night, mr tam and I went to the jap restaurant at marina square that my sis recommended. And its very nice! I now officially announce my two top favourite restaurants are pepper lunch and MOS! I even sign up for their membership. But darn, its only one day away from my birthday month, or else can double the points. Enough said, photos!

Yummy Desserts!mr tam writing the comments cardThe Kitchen

Me being zi lianThe thick and fat slices of SashimiMe pouring soy sauce the Japanese waymr tam savouring the yummy red bean paste!Me with my ebi tempura set



Oh and I forgot to upload photos the day we send off my sisters' maids. Not the photos of the maid, but of Kyla Tay. I was at the backseat when I took the photos. Wanted to take a picture when she was sleeping, as she was blowing a very small bubble. But just as I slide the lens of my camera, the bubble burst and I shouted, "ah!" Kyla then woke up with shock. Ha, I am a terrible auntie.

Being sian on the way backRealised that I was taking pics of herWanted to snatch my camera, but I wun let herWent back to being Sian

Arrgh, my bidding results still not out yet.

My Very First Ballet Lessons!

I am so happy today! Finally, I plucked up the courage to go for my very first ballet lessons!

Today I deliberately left early from tuition at 6 in order to make it in time for ballet. I needed to turn up early to hand in the fees. However, I only took like 30 mins to get from henderson crescent to tanjong pagar! So I reached like half an hour early, and the office and studio were empty. I felt darn lonely, thus have to call mr tam, who gave me nothing but courage and strength to face new people and new dance genre. But luckily I was able to identify the teacher(from the last time that she came out to ask me and jiawen are we students).

Then went in to the studio. It was a very small class with only around 8 people. We are all very new to ballet, so I was less stressful. My teacher really started from the very basics, which I entirely enjoy as I finally know what are the important things to take note of when I do my ji ben gong. And I can also work on my pirouettes, by doing quarter and half turns before doind a single turn. Actually everything that we did are quite similar to Laoshi's, just more simple and more well-explained. I finally know like what are the different positions of the hand and the legs. And my teacher also corrected my posture(I arched my back too much).

I entirely love the class and I am definitely going back for more. Next on my wishlist, ballet tights and new leotards!

偏心

有个中学时的学长曾跟我说过：“人的心永远是偏的，所以人永远都会偏心。”

我一直都觉得这是句废话。

是，人的心是偏的，这是不变的事实。但人是不是偏心，完全是个人的选择。你也许起初会不禁意的去偏向某件事物，但只要你发现了这个错误，愿意去改变你的想法和人生观，人是可以不偏心的。

我曾很偏心的疼爱恩扬，相对的忽略了恩涵。但当我真正的想要去弥补的时候，我开始接触恩涵，继而发现她也有她可爱的一面。这个时候，我对两人的疼爱是不同，但是是相等的。

我的奶奶很疼女儿，外婆较疼儿子。

若你对家庭关系很清楚的话，就能很快推算出，我的家是被忽略的。

所以，我很努力的不让我成为偏心的人。上一代的错误，下一代得屏除。

但我发现，重男轻女这个古老的陋习，却仍然在我父亲血中流着。

他从没主动的去照顾恩扬和恩涵。大多是抱抱一下子，就去看自己的电视了。要载他们回家，心里是充满着不高兴。但对于他的内孙，他却是载来载去，毫无怨言，还肯主动的去照顾她，偏心的让人心里深感不平。

同时自己的孙，我不明白为何要分内孙和外孙。幸好，恩扬和恩涵的父母疼爱他们，我们这几个阿姨也对他们疼爱有佳。

我曾经自私的想过，既然这个内孙亦有人这么疼爱她，那我就可以不管她了。

但这很困难，因为他们都是我的侄女侄子。

不知是幸福还是悲哀，但幸好这个内孙女跑第一，若她之前有个哥哥，她大概永远都不知道被爷爷疼爱的滋味是怎样的。

Illusion

Which girl do you think is cuter?

Or do you feel that the first girl is, errr, a little grouchy while the second girl is, awwww, like an angel.

Surprise.

They are both Leanne Lim.

Prize Giving Ceremony

I would hereby like to announce two awards today.

Firstly, the Pride of the Tay Family award.

And it goes to.... Isaac Lim.

Here is his nomination by his mother,"True to our expectations of him, Isaac behaved the big boy that he is, enthusiastically doing one activity after another, and even though he was tired getting off the plane, he gamely pulled his own luggage bag, looked after didi, and followed closely to mummy who was carrying mei mei in one hand and pushing didi with another."

Secondly, the Cutest Toddler Award.

And it goes to... Leanne Lim.

"As for Leanne, as usual, stayed glued to the TV screen almost every moment that she's not sleeping, eating or running around the plane. She emerged from the plane looking like a xiao cha bo, with her ponytails messy and face grouchy from being woken up from her beauty sleep. A pity we didn't take a picture of that."

Did I mention I am very proud of the both of them? To be on the safe side, yes, I am very proud of them, especially Isaac.

Poor Jayson though, he didnt get much fun during the whole plane ride.

And lastly, I would like to commend myself, to be able to hold back my tears only until my er jie's eyes were red. Well, at least I wasn't the first person to cry. But I was so extremely proud of my little nephew when he pulled his own hand luggage through the immigration counter, like a little adult.(Though his mother has to help him when he turned a right corner at the counter and his luggage got stucked)

I am so so so proud of them.

Isaac Yang En and Poohie

I wll miss you

This day is awful.

Isaac would say,"1 day to Rhode Island."

To me its just an awful day. The three kids came to my house early today. And I spent almost the whole afternoon with Isaac before I went off for tuition.

After I came back, I made peanut butter muffins for them.

At dinner, it is the first time in years for the 4 siblings to sit down together to talk besides during Chinese New Year, though the topics are a bit strange.

Then we took photos with one another. All the adults with Isaac, Leanne and Jayson. And Kelp and er jie with Kyla.

Then went to the room to print photos. Gave Isaac and Leanne 2 bai tu tang each, in addition to their lollipops.

My sis says,"Okay Isaac, give everyone a hug and say goodbye."

That did it. My eyes were red before I knew it.

I hugged Isaac tight. When he saw me crying, he got a shock cos he thought I was in pain as he poked me in the face. I wanted to say somethings to them, but I could say nothing. My family was telling me not to cry, but yet, my tear glands were not listening to me.

Wanted to hug the other two, but I was afraid of crying.

I never felt this miserable. The feeling of someone close going away for some time. When my er jie went to Cambridge, I was only like Primary 3. I didn't even start crying until I saw my da jie cry. Then I realise what wsa happening. When she was in England, she always asked me to write emails to her but I never bothered. Now I know how that feels. I can't remember the few years that she was away, but I still remember when I went over to England. When I first saw her at the hotel in London, I was so happy. And now I have that feeling again.

I wonder why my aunties were never close to me. It seems that they don't even care what happens to me.

But now, it seems so logical to me to cry because my dear nephews and niece are going away.

Especially on hearing that Isaac is going to school in Rhode Island, it makes me worry. How is it going to be like for him? What if someone bullies him?

But I think he will handle it well. He is a strong boy.

My entry is in an illogical order now because I dun really know what to say. But I have always wondered what it meant by珍惜。They always tell you to cherish the time you spend with people you love. But to me, no matter how much time I spend with them, it is never enough. Who knows if Isaac will still allow me to kiss him when he comes back?

I don't want to cherish them, I want to be with them.

I will miss them all, Kelp, Er jie, Isaac, Leanne and Jayson.

I dunnoe how things will turn out in one year. Good thing time always passes, because then one year will always come around and I will see them again.

Till then, miss xiao yi yi while your are there kk, kids?

Cos xiao yi yi will miss you madly.

And to my er jie, I know that you are a wonderful mother and will deal with the three kids well together with Kelp.

Oh give me the strength to hold back my tears tomorrow.

The Talk

Yesterday was a wise day.

We managed to talk everything out.

And I finally managed to face my emotions. That I was terribly alone when the seniors were gone, and I have to try to get closer to the peers, and when we are a minority in number, I got stressed. And I blamed everything on them.

And if Jingwen weren't there to hold on to everything, I dun think I could have gone over it.

I thank everyone around me for giving me strength.

I thank my comm for giving me hope.

I thank TAT, for willing to talk to us.

I thank Ah Liang, who seems indifferent to NUS, but in fact is the most sharp observer.

I thank my seniors, for believing in me.

Now i know, there is no such thing as a capable leader. There is only teamwork and communication.

The Meeting

Had a dance meeting yesterday. Amazingly, all of us were there except for Weiqi, who is on work and travel. However, the late problem is quite serious, even within the committee itself. We still managed to do a lot of things though, clearing out wardrobe and stuff. And I must say, the bonds between the few of us has strengthened a bit. And that, is progress.

Then went for dance. Well, everyone is nice to each other after the talk. But somehow, I can still feel a bit of discomfort between us. I wonder is it just me.

Jingwen msged me at 1 in the morning, "hm frankly. I am quite scared at what will hapen tml. Hope things turn out fine." If it was the old me, I would have said,"I dunnoe, but hope everything will turn out for the best."

But I replied her,"Dun worry ah, I think our stand now will land up in a peaceful ending." And I have my comm to thank for it, for now everyone is clear about the objective of the meetup tonight, not to kick out anyone, but to voice out all misunderstanding and concerns. Alas, and have a group which we call no one external dancers.

We are all NUS Chinese Dance.

And seniors, I hope you are not disappointed with our decision, for we believe that this can bring us to scale greater heights and enjoy dancing together as one. And I hope someday all of you will be back in this family again.

My Expensive Apologies

Yesterday afternoon I went out with Yuxi and Lileng for lunch. We were supposed to meet at 12, but Junni called me up at 11.30 to say that somethings weren't settled with cfa and I had to do it. So I called Lileng, and guess what, I actually woke her up. So we pushed back the time to 12.30. We ate at lemongrass, a thai restaurant at heerens and the food is actually quite nice, just a bit too spicy for me. Ha, but the both of them apparently enjoyed the food a lot because lileng had three bowls of tom yam soup, including mine. After that we went to walk around heerens before I leave for my sis house at 3.

Went to my sis house to bring the kids out to Vivocity to make teddy bears. I figured that it would be interesting to make a teddybear on their own. Both of them were quite fascinated with the large collection of bears, but they chose their bears pretty fast. Isaac chose a curly-haired bear and leanne chose a pooh bear. Since both of them wanted a non-talking bear, I brought them to the stuffing machine. Think the machine is a bit too loud, both of them were quite afraid at first. The staff even suggested for them to put heartbeats into the bears, but when leanne tried it she was horrified and ran away. Isaac helped to step on the pedal for filling up the bear, while I carried leanne and watched. After that they chose a heart, rubbed it, gave it a kiss then put the heart inside the bear. When we proceeded to gave the bears a shower, the machine was loud as well so my mum and I are the ones who cleaned up the bear in the end. Isaac has chosen an army outfit while leanne chose a pink dress for her pooh. They also chose underpants for the bears, and also matching slippers. Both of them got a baby carrier, so that their dad will have no reason not to let them bring the bears to America. When we were registering for the bear, I realised that I cant remember the kid's birthdays at all. Haiz.

When I went to settle the bill, I got a shock. It was 171 bucks.

When my big sis heard about it, she was shocked as well, thought I got cheated.

Although I was shocked, I didn feel a pinch. Perhaps this was the only way of making up to my nephew and niece, for the numerous friday nights that I have missed, being together with them.

And now that they are going America, I realised how much I have missed.

Hope Yang En and Poohie will remind them of the little times that their xiao yi yi has spent with them.

A Strange Cabinet Display in Hong Kong

mr tam and I laughed our heads off!"Can I have the piece of shit at your display? Yah the 196 dollars one."

A New Beginning

Alright after blogging about the happy stuff, now shall blog about the sad stuff.

Actually haven been blogging as I have been feeling depressed about dance lately. There are a lot of issues which is difficult to settle, and often, I find myself alone to settle the stuffs cos my other members are busy. Attendance was poor, costume is not settled, external performance, personal issues etc.

I even pon 2 sessions, to think of what I really wanted.

okay lar not really pon, those two times I went for my family gathering. I suddenly realised how many friday gatherings I have missed because of dance. This is exceptionally alarming when my sis family will be going over to America soon for a year. At that time, I really asked myself, "Is it worth it?"

I guess my members started to guess something was wrong with me, cos I started to give a bu shuang face. I talked to some of them, but it didn really help. Then one of them told me, " No offence, but we need a leader that leads us no matter what happens." I stunned, because I tried holding on alone, and the result is that things didn get better. I was angry.

I blamed things on dance. I was depressed. I hated myself for not going to Canada because of Dance. I blamed myself for taking over this position when I know that I cannot do it well.

And so I waited for the hong kong trip, when I know I can get away from these, at least for a while. No emails, no msg, gooodness its heaven.

Then I went disneyland, and watched the Golden Mickeys, and I dunnoe why but I thought of dance.

I thought of how each noble disney characters always manage to win the love of trust of people around them: To always have hope, and even if you dun succeed, never ever blame it on someone else.

And I know what I have to do.

I might not be able to change anything, but I want to do what I have always wished for.

I want to incorporate dance and musical together, which I might be able to do in the next Arts Fest.

Meanwhile, I have to make sure that DR goes on smoothly and people do come on time, and better still, forge friendships.

I cant blame dance for my choice of forsaking Canada, because it was my choice.

Nobody will pity me for the choice that I have made.

I got to be strong.

I had hopes, I felt energised but when I read the mails as I get back to Singapore, my spirits get dampened.

Its good that they had a meeting you know, but somehow, I am thinking: Why is it that I called for a meeting, few turn up?

Why is it that some things I have done, but they dun realise? Some things I have told them before, and nobody seemed to know?

But I have to think positive, everything we do is for the better of dance.

I am not a good leader, but I will be one who at least do things right and pass on to the next leader.

At least I know I wont regret for the rest of my life if I do so.

I shall erase all the things that have happened in the past few months.

I will be strong, like all the disney characters do.

Wish me luck, friends.

mr tam and I

Haven't blog for a really really long time. Just went to Hong Kong on 17 June, only came back yesterday. It was my second two-weeks trip to Hong Kong, yet I find this time much more interesting than last year. It was not the itenary, if you had asked me where I went to play this time, I will shrug my shoulders and say, "Disneyland?" It doesn't really matter where we went, but rather, mr tam and I spent 14 quality days together, every single hour, every single minute. I sticked to him all the time, since more than half the time we are alone. He was like my guide, my guardian, bringing me around and making sure that I wont have to walk extra distance. He was also my fashion consultant, and I will always ask for his opinion when I see nice clothes(though whether I consider his opinions or not is another issue). We talked at night about everything, and did everything together. Laundry, watching TV, eating dim sum, shopping, playing, taking public transport, taking nice pictures, watching movie, walking and walking etc. We even wrote our travel diary together. There were unhappy times, but every single time, we talk things out, unlike before when I will just go home and be alone. We even invented a lot of new things between us. Like I will hit his forehead when he does something stupid. Like he will chant," hor em hor yi, fai yi di di" then I will do the stupid action. Like we will play around with the cute piglet I bought at disneyland. Like my first cantonese sentence," ngor yew hak sek. ho."(Means I want the black one. Okay) mr tam is extremely proud of me. He bought me a ring (only 5 sing dollars, but in the shape of a crown), a pair of shoes and my piglet. PLus many other things that he paid, the food, the books.

In other words, we were very very happy together. And I mean, very. extremely. tremendously. whatever words you can think of.

And also, I like to be with him. a lot. it was very comfortable, as if I was home.(just that the bed is hard) Although I know there is going to be quarrels, but I also know that we will be able to solve these problems and overcome whatever hurdles that come.

白痴五连拍：

Us on the plane to HK:Us at HK Airport:Us on the Shuttle bus to HK Disneyland Hollywood hotel:Us on 电车：Us at Repulse Bay:Us at Repulse Bay with my cool sunglasses:Us at the Peak:Us on 天心小轮：Us at Disneyland Hollywood hotel, room 9103:Us at HK airport, preparing to fly back to Singapore: Magically ever after: