沉重的一天

你能够想象，不能走路的日子吗？

我完全不能，因为那代表着，我不能跳舞。不能跳舞，大概我还是中学时那丑样子。

但今天，我在电视上看到一个马来男子，他打从在娘胎里开始，便已经被诊断出脊椎断裂，双脚弯曲的缺陷。但他的母亲，仍勇敢地把他生下来。他的童年，是孤独，是痛苦的。就如主持人所说的，他的缺陷不允许他有个快乐的童年。他的童年，大多数是在医院里过的。每天都得绑着石膏，还得面对膀胱失调的问题。走过多少医院，看过多少医生，换来的而也只是一个活在轮椅上的日子。坐在轮椅上，无论多想踢足球，也只是在梦里成真。他唯一能做的，只是看着别人实现自己的梦想。他是孤僻的，因为不是每一个人都能接受和残疾人士做朋友。他辍学了。

在新加坡这么一个文明的社会，竟不能和有需要的人做朋友，并给予鼓励，好丢脸。

但这个勇者，却凭着自己的毅力，成了一名残疾运动员，而且还站上了世界的舞台，发挥出了自己独有的光芒。

老天，算是对这个人作出补偿吗？

不，医生说，这是遗传病，他的孩子有百分之三到五的几率也会得到这个病。好残忍，好无情。

接着又看了八频道的一部剧，里边有一个妈妈，因为自己的孩子染病，便放弃了孩子。即使孩子将要死去的那一刻，他仍担心着医院那衰地方会不会影响他的赌运。能够让自己的孩子对自己死心，这个妈妈又何尝不残忍。

我承认，我不会像那孩子的妈一样残忍。 但要我像那马来男子的妈一般勇敢，我做不到。我很自私，因为我连抚养孩子长大的勇气都没有，更别提需要支持一个需要特别关怀的孩子。

好惭愧，所以心情有些沉重。

Ethereal again!!

Ethereal is finally over!After three months of practise, we have finally put up this performance!

Hai, but dunnoe why, feel a bit lost after the performance is over. Kind of miss the busy days dancing Chinois Blues, acting sexy but can't, then land up laughing all the way. This may also mean that we will never dance with Sophia and Geraldine again. How sad. I even miss Michael, sigh..

Enough said, photos!!

Well, Ethereal wasn't really very successful. Prepare, for I am going to rattle, A LOT.

I took a cab down on the first night, thinking I will be late. But when I reach there, everything was being pushed back. I wasn't really upset at that, because I know this is inevitable. However, everything was pushed back so badly that we had not much time for Blues, and didn't even went through Finale. Everything was so rushed that I almost couldn't finish my makeup on time. (Okay, I admit that I spent a ridiculous amount of time on eyeliner and my fake eyelashes..)I even forgot to put on my lipstick, not mentioning whether I did my warm up.

Then the performance finally started, real badly. The MC started speaking, when the mic went dead. She then tried again, but the mic went dead again. So the lights when out, and everyone waited. And waited. And waited. Waited for such a long time that ever the performers are feeling impatient already. Hai, what a bad start. The first dance was VERY messy, and a lot of fans dropped, while one of the dancers fell down. Luckily for me Tage was still not that bad.

Then was Reflections. It was MESSY!! My cloth couldn't open properly, and our music was all wrong. Blues, was like, the best because everyone cheered loudly. I could feel the audience actually liked the dance. But the funny thing was, my dad was actually sitting right in the middle. So throughout this seducing dance I had to look at my dad, how weird is that?? (Kelp if you are reading this, quit laughing!)

Then was Finale. Well because we did not rehearse properly, Blues girls could not get out in time because KE7 dancers were standing near to us. (I don't blame them for it, because I seriously don't think its their fault.) Then the final part, everyone was so confused that it looked like the dancers were kneeling on stage when we are supposed to stand up in blocks, doing a kallang wave. The most embarrassing thing was that I actually remembered the steps and stood up. Then it came to the end when we bowed. But I think the choreographers forgot to arrange how this performance was supposed to end, cos we end up just staring at the audience, not knowing what to do, and the audience just laughed. Hai, the only consolation I got was when I saw mr tam staring at me through the crowd. Although after that he told me that I looked so obviously worried on the stage. And thanks for the pretty gerberras!!

When the performance ended the choreographers instructed us to go back to LT 12. But there are simply some people who doesn't listen to instructions and delay everyone. I was so pissed because my family is waiting outside. Please, do you think you are the only one who want to take photos? Hai, my family didn't have a good impression of the performance. Messy dance, bad costumes(broken, or even too short that everyone looked fat), bad sound system, bad arrangement and bad ushering. But still, like what Geraldine says, this is what family is for. They give honest feedback.

The second night was much much better. We had time to go through Blues and the Finale. Makeup was smooth too. (Thanks to Sophia and Junni!) And I put on my lipstick too, thank you. Had to put on a fairer foundation, but I must say, I looked better. But everything was off to a good start, had time for warm up, the MC was fine. Although the KE7 dancers dropped their headgear, one of them tactfully kicked the headgear from the middle of the stage to backstage!! Ha, all the Tage dancers in green were so amazed. Tage was quite good I felt, just that at the last minute my smile froze. Lucky the lights went out in time. Reflection was fine too, more neat thought I forgot a bit of actions when I was in the first row and also my cloth dropped at the very last pose. But still, I thought I put in my most emotions for this time.

Blues was the BEST!! I just went out all the way, danced with all my edginess and sexiness. Hope all of your liked it! Though the cheers were not as loud, I felt great after dancing. Finale was also great, everything was neat ( although I embarrassed myself by lifting my head when everyone was bowing). And I get to present flowers to Michael on stage, representing Chinois Blues!

Just as I was looking around onstage looking for familiar faces, Tiang Lim and Zhaorong came from backstage! I was so shocked and touched to see them! Both of them felt that the dance was great! Then also took lots of photos with Lileng and Yuxi and mr tam, who gave me a M&M and sunflower respectively! Thanks a lot guys! Also went around taking photos with Junni, Michael, Meiyan, Fen, Wanhui and seniors. It was really nice to see all the seniors, remind me of the DR days. Michael still thanked me for dancing Blues, but I think I should really be the one saying Thanks cos I really enjoyed Blues a lot and I think it opened my eyes to another genre of dance.
Thanks Michael!

mr tam waited for me to drive me home, and immediately on the car, I felt lost already. The thought of not dancing the three dances was dissapointing. Hai.

Although I didn't see eye to eye to a lot of things regarding Ethereal, I am really honoured and lucky to be part of Ethereal. In fact, I am so tied to it that I had to pick up the Ethereal poster lying on the floor at the Science bus stop on Friday. I can't possibly leave this wonderful thing lying around, can I?

But I still lost my nice brown clip(that I left at LT 13 dressing table and reminded myself upteen times to take!) and costume bag during this performance.

But I really have to thank mr tam. Thanks for driving me home after my late practices(and the long waiting time), buying me refreshing drinks everytime, watching both performances and buying me pretty flowers, and of course my post performance celebrations. Went to Far East to repair my bag and buy more clips to replace my nice brown clip. Also bought a nice shrug and bimbo shoes, haha. Now trying to convince him to let me buy a dress at Blossomz. Haha.

Okay, rattled enough. It is back to studying now because I realised I have been scoring below average. I have, I have to increase my marks! Eeeshio!

Ethereal

Today marks the real beginning of Ethereal, as today is the final and most realistic rehearsal, with makeup and lightings at all. Hai, quite sad on Sunday when I kicked my toe on the table. It was so painful at that time!! I was limping the whole day, and my toe got a bit swollen. Luckily it recovered today, or else I will wobble during the dance.

Was rehearsal on Sunday successful? Unfortunately for me, it was a big no! Chinois Blue, my best and most confident item, was commented to be the most messy one. Choreographers felt that we were too dependent on Sophia, when I thought that I was always quite clear of the steps and rhythm of the dance. Hai, maybe we have been too confident of the dance that we haven't been really able to come together to listen to the music. Honestly, I feel that Chinois Blues is one of the best item of this performance, and is definitely my best. Really hope I can wow everyone with this dance and let other people know that Chinese Dance people can really dance!!

I must also say that Reflections is a really pretty dance after watching the video. But I join this dance really late, thus have been trying desperately to remember the steps and waving the cloth gracefully, which I still cannot achieve. But after I watch the video, I finally understood why Meiyan says that we must feel xingfu. Think I have been focusing on the dance steps so much that I forgot the real meaning of dance, to dance to the story of the dance.

Ta ge, was, well, the best performance put up by us since January. Ha, but I still forgot the steps on stage yesterday. Dd d dear!!!Hai, still smiling fakely, I wonder where have my emotions gone to...

Well, must also say that the backstage was darn messy!! People opening and closing the doors, leaving it to bam! There were even people talking on the stage! Nobody was there to make sure that all the dance members of the item was there, and some people still needed us to remind them to go to the backstage for Finale! Hai, really miss Wanhui. If she was there, she would make sure everything was under control and everyone knows their duties. Hai, not complaining, maybe different people have got different kind of doing things bah. But I just think that this would just lead to juniors not knowing what to do during performance, then what would we do when the seniors leave?

Hai, writing this entry during Statistics tutorial because the review quite boring. Hai, just really hope that Ethereal will be impressive! Might be my last performance before I take a long break going to Canada. EEEEEEEEEshio!!!

And Yeah! My parents, da jie, mr tam, Tiang Lim, Lileng, Yuxi confirm going to watch my performance! Thanks guys, it really means a lot to me!

Ethereal on 7th and 8th March, 7.30pm at NUS LT13, NUS Chinese Dance will rock the house!

蜗牛的故事

张小娴写：

一只失恋的小蜗牛喝醉了，它想从一条长一百公分的隧道的一端爬到出口的另一端，然后跳崖殉情。每秒钟它往前走三公分又往后走二公分。这只多情的小蜗牛要多久才走到隧道的另一端？

好悲惨的故事哦。

但我想稍微的改写一下：

每一次和你吵架后的我，都想从我这一端爬到你怀抱的另一端，然后假装没事发生。正要离开你的时候，每秒钟我往前走二公分，但一想到你，便又会往后走三公分。这样，总有那么一天，我还是会后退到你的身边。

是否比较浪漫了呢？=)